The Party

Nearly two dozen Todler-Americans are expected to attend BeccaChimp's birthday party at an Upper East Side play center this Saturday.

Meanwhile, BeccaChimp's Mommy, Debbie,  has finally agreed to her daughter's controversial request for a Cinderella birthday cake. Debbie had initially voiced concerned that the classic fairy tale heroine is not a good role model for Rebecca, whose party at the cavernous indoor facility where she attended day camp this summer is slated to begin at 10:30 am and should concluded several hours later. 

--EVAN GAHR

Rebecca takes full responsibility

By EVAN GAHR

Bubbie, Rebecca's maternal grandmother, notices everything.

Last month, the former elementary school teacher saw that her infant grandson's ear was quite red.

She asked  David's  sister Rebecca, two years his senior, why his ear wasred.

"Because I bit it," Rebecca said proudly.

Later, she confided to Uncle Bertram that "it tasted good."

Clearly, Rebecca, , is way too honest to ever be a politician. Otherwise, these kind of cagey responses might have followed.

"I'm not sure his ear is red, Bubbie."

Non-denial denial: I am always well-fed so I wouldn't have been hungry enough to want to bite his ear.

Plausible deniability: How could I have bitten the ear if Lorna, the nanny, keeps such a close watch over both of us?

Play the children's card: The question is an insult to all Todler-Americans who already bear the yoke of unsubstantiated allegations, including most notoriously Toilet profiling in which every time a foul smell is discovered in the house it is attributed to us failing to make it the potty in time rather than an adult who shirked his duty to take out the garbarge with all deliberate speed. I won't dignify your question with a reply.

Blame Society: In a country where perhaps its most famouse city has adopted the slogan "take a bite out of the Big Apple" would really be surprising if a child would follow suit and nibble on her baby brother's ear?

Kenneth Clark, call your office

BeccaChimp diversified her doll collection this week with a black doll her Mommy and Daddy purchased for her at WalMart's near the South New Jersey Beach House where they were vacationing.

All Creatures Great and Small

By EVAN GAHR

In the first attempt to diversify the family's greeting cards, Uncle Bertram today yesterday bought one that features a monkey instead of a chimp, which is the family mascot.

In a further effort at inclusiveness, Uncle Bertram also bought BeccaChimp a computer game featuring Dora the Explorer, a young Latino pre-woman  known for her inquisitive spirit. 

Shy Yet Spry

Rebecca yesterday volunteered to her maternal grandmother, "Bubbie, I'm shy."

What does shy mean?

"It means I don't talk much."

Apparently, her other grandmother had told her this.

Although Rebecca is bit reticent like her Uncle Bertram she is quite strong-willed. Even before she could talk Rebecca manifested a forceful personality.  When her bubbie tried to feed her food she didn't want, Rebecca  would turn her head away from the spoon and close her mouth tight, leaving Bubbie no choice but to return the food to its jar.

BeccaChimp Gives Her Mommy the Thumbs-Up

Uncle Bertram has obtained an email from Rebecca's Mommy, Debbie, to her own Mommy that recounts a recent candid conversation between Debbie and BeccaChimp.

"I called on the way home and Rebecca answered."

"I said 'how are you?' and she said 'I'm sucking my thumb.'"