BOBBUM, GA, AND UNCLE BERTRAM

By EVAN GAHR

Although Becca Chimp's Mommy is a natural with kids, to use the apt desciption Bobbum said years ago, she was stymied earlier this month when Rebecca asked, "Does Cinderella have an Uncle Bertram."

The uncle in question said she should be told no, only Rebecca has an Uncle Bertram.

That's what makes it so special.

Sort of the way, only Debbie and Evan had a Bobbum and Ga.

And in many ways they still do.

THE ICING ON THE CAKE

By EVAN GAHR

Entranced by Cinderella, BeccaChimp last month asked her Mommy a.k.a. Debbie if she could have a Cinderalla cake for her birthday party this August. But Debbie has expressed reservations because "Cinderella is not a good role model" for Rebecca.

Who would she prefer? An Andrea Dworkin cake?

Might be very tasty: lots of fat

REBECCA TAKES UNCLE BERTRAM'S CALL

By EVAN GAHR

Becca Chimp's Uncle Bertram on May 30 made what he thought was a routine call to the Upper East side home of his sister's daughter and was pleasantly surprised when Miss Chimp, not yet three, picked up the phone and started jabbering away.

Initially, it seemed like Uncle Bertram was just leaving his standard answering machine message, Bertrammmmmm, the same words he used to enterain Jepluvius in between feeding.

Then, amidst all the Bertraming a little voice was
heard. Hi--eee, drawing out her sylables.

Perhaps one of the reasons Rebecca and her Uncle Bertram have bonded is that she scrupulously avoids the obsequious tact of mentioning someone's name every three words to create faux intimacy, the worst variation being that chirpy, "Hi Evan."

But this was strictly "Hi--eeee." Although the excited tone made clear she knew exactly who was on the phone. It's usually people who don't know you from squat who mention your name the most.

And there she went. Rebecca started jabbering away in baby talk, most of which was unintelligible except that she made a "smelly doody and Bubbie cleaned it up."

But she even made that sound endearing, as if it were a pottery project.

Rebecca allowed that she gave Jepluvius some pretend cereal, although a source close to Jepluvius, known as "Pa," said later he was disappoitned it wasn't real.

Uncle Bertram Takes the Choo-Choo Train

The Choo-Choo train is common stuff for kids the same age as
Rebecca.

But how many know about Amtrak?

Rebecca has been asking for her Uncle Bertram recently, and told her Bubbie that he is not here now but coming to see her on the train very soon.

To understand all this requires a great deal of abstract thinking which
militates in favor of the conclusion that she is as smart as she is cute.

Rebecca Stands Firm

Eschewing the group think mentality of her peers, Rebecca last Friday declined to race from one side of the cavernous Upper East Side children's center, Jodi's Gym, to the other when instructed by her play group's hapless leader to "go."

Instead, she just stood around and enjoyed herself and watched as other
toddler-Americans engaged in, what many would say was a rather pointless
exercise, (I"m teaching Rebecca journalism techniques. When you need to sneak an
opinion into a news story "many would say" or "is widely believed" are
good ways to do it. Especially "widely believed." UFO"s are widely-believed. Big
Foot is widely-believed.)

Rebecca is already known among the group for her penchant for singing
solo during the kick-off sessions of her play group led by a long-haired
weirdo guitar player, who has no visible body piercing, tattoos or colored
hair which renders him by today's standards decidedly conservative.

Although the weirdo's name could not be determined at press time, he knows
Rebecca's and assumed correctly that she would request a solo performance.

Like her "Uncle Bertram" who Eric Breindel, with the usual penchant for
the most precise and best word once described as "reticent" Rebecca often
seems simultaneously reticent and brash, which should leave her in many
endeavors ahead of the pack, even if she doesn't join every race.

First Day Camp, First Day for Becca Chimp

Jodi's Gym now has some competition.

In an ode to multi-culturalism, Rebecca started day camp
earlier this morning as a member of the "Zeebras,"--have Indian
names for summer camp broups fallen victim to political correctness-
at an indoor facility on the Upper East Side much
like "Jodi's Gym" where Rebecca has already made
her presence known. Only "Kidsville" is not limited
to one day per week.

Afterwords, she sent her Bubbie to hunt down
some Mister Softee ice cream of one of its imitators.